Talking with Julie Metz

Here at ReadingGroupGuides.com we've been talking about Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal by Julie Metz --- and telling others about it, too. After her husband Henry's sudden death in his early 40s, Julie discovered that for years he had been cheating on her, including an affair with the mother of one of her daughter's friends. In Perfection, she shares the story of how she came to find out, why she contacted the women Henry had been seeing, and how she put her life back together --- both for herself and her young daughter.

Today we talk with Julie, who shares insight into the book and answers some of the questions we wanted to know the answers to after reading it.

If you're in a book group, check out the contest we're running here on RGG.com until June 29th. 10 book clubs will have the opportunity to win a copy of Perfection. Click here for details.


ReadingGroupGuides.com: For readers who aren't familiar with Perfection, would you describe it for them?

Julie Metz: My book tells the story of the two years following my early widowhood. I was 43 when my husband died suddenly --- he was 44 --- leaving me with my six-year-old daughter. Seven months after his death I discovered that he had been unfaithful during much of our marriage. The most damaging affair was with a woman in my town who was also the mother of my daughter's friend. The book describes how I dealt with the revelation of my husband's infidelities and how I made a new life for myself and my daughter.


RGG: What made you want to write the book? Did you have any concerns about sharing such a personal story?

JM: I began the book as a kind of personal therapy as I began to make my life over again. I am actually a very quiet person and until I found out about my husband's affairs I had lived a very private life. Suddenly everything was out in the open and I felt intense shame, as if I had done something wrong. When I met other women who had experienced infidelity I saw that they too had this same overpowering shame. I felt that I would never feel whole again until I could shake off that feeling. I hope that my book will provide comfort for other women who have been through experiences of widowhood and infidelity. I am already receiving letters from readers.


RGG: You've said that you see Perfection in part as "a cautionary tale" for young women. Have you talked about the book with your 12-year-old daughter? What do you hope she might learn from your experiences?

JM: I have told me daughter about the book. I would never have published the book without discussing it with her. I hope that she will choose someone as a partner who supports and respects her. I am quite confident that she will choose well. She is a very wise young person, much more mature than I was at a similar age.


RGG: Perfection is the story of Henry's infidelity, but it's also about how you put your life back together after a tragedy, your relationship with your daughter, and finding love again. How important is it that readers also focus on the positive aspects of the book?

JM: Much of my story is dark, but I do hope that readers will see that the positive end is worth the hard journey. I do believe the old saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.


RGG: After deciding to confront the other women in Henry's life, you actually ended up coming to know and even like some of them. Were you surprised by this? How did they help you to better understand Henry?

JM: I was surprised that I found so much connection with Henry's women. Apart from the woman in my town, these were women not unlike me --- vulnerable, in a time of crisis in their lives. They were open with me and this helped me to understand much about my marriage and my self.


RGG: What are some of the questions and topics you anticipate book clubs will want to ask you the most?

JM: I imagine that many of my readers will be women and that some will have been through experiences like mine. I have already received letters from readers that are very emotional. I think many readers will want to talk about difficulties in their own lives and how best to tackle those problems.


RGG: As a designer, you've created many book jackets (including Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible). Did you plan from the start to design the cover of Perfection? Why did you ultimately decide on the image of a tulip?

JM: Originally I was determined to stay out of the design process. I thought I'd be too close to the project to be able to design the cover. But in the end I decided that I should give it a try. I worked on this project with my assistant of several years. I trust her taste and we began looking at imagery together. We wanted something that would capture the intense emotional landscape of the story. When we saw the tulip we loved the rich red colors and the fact that you are zoomed in close looking at the details of the flowers. It wasn't so much one flower or another that had significance, it was the colors and fierceness of the imagery that attracted us. From there, we worked on creating a type solution that was elegant but strong.